Rude Pirate Jokes

Arrrrgh, ye scallywag this be thee place for rude pirate jokes. If ye can't take thee heat then get out of thee galley, ye galleywag.

Me be telling ye here a few off-color and rude pirate jokes filled with funny humor and merriment. If this be not what ye looking for then leave now or suffer thee consequences.

Top 20 Rude Pirate Jokes

1. Why did ye chicken cross thee road? To bite ye in the mainsail, arrrgh!
2. A man walks into a bar and sees a priest, a rabbi and a monkey. The monkey looks just like ye wife, arrrgh!
3. A pirate limps into a bar with a squirrel hanging out of his pants holding a steering wheel. He says to the bartender, "Me squirrel is driving me nuts!"
4. Take me wife, arrrrgh!
5. A pirate walks into a bar and says to a fair wench, "If it weren't fer ye sunken chest I would tap that booty."
6. Do ye know how to satisfy ye mate in bed? Ask me tomorrow when I'm finished.
7. What be the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 50 pounds.
8. If at first ye don't succeed, then try on a wooden leg, an eye patch, a parrot and a hook then try again - arrrgh!
9. How many wenches does it take to change a light bulb? Just one and she be in my pants right now trying to figure out whether its lefty loosy or righty tighty - arrrgh!
10. Why be Joe Louis like a grand ole pirate? The both had a great left hook.
11. What be a pirate's wife's name? Peg, because she also has a wooden leg.
12. Me parrot's wife died last week. Now me has to send him to a support group, "Parrots without Partners."
13. What do ye say when ye poke a pirate in the face? Eye-Eye!
14. What kind of nightmares do pirates have? Beavers, I tell ye, beavers! - Arrrgh!
15. What be a pirate's least favorite disease? Jock itch. Arrr arrr arrr arrrgh!
16. Which marital position in bed produce thee ugliest children? Go ask ye mother.
17. Why are pirates always ready to seduce a wench? Because we have a pecker on our shoulder and Moby Dick in our pants.
18. How do pirates teach their children to read? Hooked on Phonics.
19. What do pirates call animals at thee zoo? Me next meal - arrrgh!
20. I found a wench who likes to go down on me. I call her Ole Poker Face.

Arrrgh! Well these be me top 20 rude pirate jokes. If ye have any more ye like to share send ye funny and humorous jokes to me and perhaps me will expand the list. But, don't push it scallywag. I be watching ye with me good eye, ready to give ye a left hook at the drop of a swallow's tail. Arrrgh! Arrrgh! Arrrgh! Arrrgh! Arrrrgh! (I hate when I do that, me just pooped me pants). Arrrgh.